Tips to avoid sibling rivalry among your kids
For many people, it is when they get married and have a child, that their life finds purpose. When they have their second (or third) child, they feel that the family is complete. While life does seem perfect at this point, the fact is that there are several challenges of raising multiple kids at the same time. The problem amplifies itself if the children are spaced closely apart. These include dealing with the financial consequences, giving all of them equal time and attention as well as ensuring that they bond well, not just with you but with each other as well.
Sibling rivalry is something that has been in play ever since people started living together as families. References to this may be found in classic stories, fairy tales (like that of Cinderella or Snow White) and more. In most cases, childhood sibling rivalry often takes the form of a very strong sibling bond in the later years.
Although you know that it is not very harmful when your children are fighting and trying to tear each other apart, you cannot just sit back and relax. Here we have some tips to help you through it.
1. Acknowledge the anger in them
Do not make your kids suppress any negative emotions (like anger, frustration or hate) that may arise because of sibling rivalry. Talk to them about it and establish that it is perfectly normal to feel that way occasionally. If necessary, talk to them about how you and your partner also get angry. Then tell them how you channelize your anger and why it is important.
By learning to deal with their frustration, children will not fight with their siblings and will grow up to be more responsible citizens.
2. Make most of their guilt
After you have spoken to them, they would have understood. However, chances are that they may repeat this occasionally. A typical example of this would be that of an elder sibling using physical force on the younger. Chances are that they will regret it later. Try to identify their moment of grief and talk to them when they are at it.
Things spoken then will be better understood and they will not repeat their actions.
3. Teach empathy
Remember that if your child is old enough to understand the language, he is old enough to be taught empathy. Not all people understand how others feel. It is important that you teach your child this quality early on in life. For example, when one of your kids hurt the other, walk up to him or her and remind them of the time they were sad because someone had hurt them.
This will help them put themselves in other’s shoes and weigh the situation. And then when they see you comforting a sibling, they will not feel jealous. Instead, they will empathize with the reason you are comforting the other kid and may even join you.
4. Do not compare your kids
One of the major reasons why kids feel jealous of each other is because they feel that they are less competent than their siblings. This arises from their parents telling them that their sibling was better than them at a task when they were of their age or that they should learn to do something as good as their brother or sister.
Things like this not only cause kids to hate their siblings, but it also leads to a lack of self-confidence that often extends to their adult life.
5. Make your other child feel included
As a parent, there will inevitably be certain activities that you will do with one of your kids that may make the other child feel left out. These include breastfeeding an infant, catering to a sick child or taking an elder child for his cricket coaching. At such times, the other child may feel excluded. Try to check this by involving the other child as much as possible.
For example, when you take your elder son for cricket coaching, try to get the younger one to tag along. While you wait for your son to finish the coaching, you can read a storybook or play a puzzle with your younger one.
6. Discourage competition and encourage collaboration
Do not give your children tasks that will put them into any sort of competition. This will include things like who finishes the food first or who can clean the room faster. Instead set them to work against a clock or records.
Things like, how fast can the two of them clean the room or finish their homework will be much more efficient.
7. Talk about each child’s strengths on person
On your part, you must do everything possible to ensure impartiality. However, there will be times when one child will get more attention from relatives, neighbours and family friends. This may be because of academic achievement, sports accomplishment or something else of the likes. At such times, the other child may feel worthless and this will cause him or her to direct this in the form of sibling rivalry.
It is important that you take the child out and talk to them about their strengths. It is only when you have faith in their abilities that they will be able to have faith in it too and learn to celebrate their sibling’s achievements like that of their own.
8. Do not neglect sibling rivalry
The worst thing that a parent can do is to neglect that fights among their kids by assuming that the children will eventually grow out of it. This is a wrong approach as ill feelings from the initial days often lead to misunderstandings in adulthood. Just because you fought with your brother throughout your childhood (whom you may or may not like now), it does not mean that your kids will have to go through the same.
The above tips will help you deal with sibling rivalry among your kids. However, if you see that none of it is working and your kids are up to fighting as animals, it is time that you seek a counsellor’s help.
Understand that parenting is tough, and that is perfectly okay to seek some external help and guidance once in a while.
